I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
