My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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