i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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