In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
