The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
