Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
