Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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