i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
