Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
