I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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