Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
