the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
