The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
