Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
