this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
