We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
