Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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