Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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