for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
