1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
