I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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