Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
