Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize