Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
