I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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