I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
