i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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