Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
