I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
