it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
