not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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