I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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