So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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