You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
