No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
