my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize