if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
