I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
