What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My cat gives me a boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
