Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
