my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
