i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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