Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she looked like the before picture.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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