Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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