this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
