I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize