Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
