I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
