You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
