I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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