I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
