I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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