her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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