tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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