every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
