is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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