How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
