he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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