Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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