wrigley field is MILF paradise
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
