Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
