I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
