mondays should just be called national damage control day
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
