I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
