She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
