My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
