the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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