It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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