Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
