that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
