you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
