The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
