Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
