Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
