he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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