I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
