in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
