He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
