State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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