if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
