i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
