You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
