Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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