He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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