You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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