The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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