im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
