I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
