Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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