That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize