Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
