The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I skipped work to stalk him.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
