Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
