im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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