The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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