I puked a lego.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
