like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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