Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
