You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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